Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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