LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
