Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
