On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
