Buhtt sex?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
