Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
