I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
