I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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