Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
