I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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