he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
