No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
