Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Still dying that you shit outside
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
how drunk are you?
Several
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
