I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
