Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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