1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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