just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
As shirtless as possible
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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