I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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