would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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