Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
