I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
