sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
