and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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