conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Rumble strips road head = magical
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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