I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Randomize
