Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
