hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
