and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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