I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
