I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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