never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
