Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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