Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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