Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
