haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm just crazy horny about you
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
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