I need help removing her.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
