thus making me awesome and them whores
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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