found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
