He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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