I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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