Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
