i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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