her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
