He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
