I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
