what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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