i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
His hands were made for my vagina.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
