hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
this hospital has no fireball
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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