Jerry, you need to find god
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
