my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
