I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
