I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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