is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
