just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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