i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
