dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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