So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
